Hump Day Confessions: Wedding Planning

Wedding planning hasn't really been that enjoyable for me if we're going to be honest here. I'm 90% sure this is because I take on so much. This is also why my word for the year is balance!

Sure, finding a dress that makes me feel beautiful in, having a 'parentachlorette' party and shopping for the boys has been fun but it's been stressful.

I work full-time and that job has been pretty demanding the last few years. While being bogged down in corporate life I also blog here, film for my YouTube channel, film weddings and events, run an Etsy shop and am a mom. All these things outside of work is where my passion lies. I wake up early or stay up late to edit, to write, and to create. If a wedding email comes in at 9pm I automatically become 'too tired' and pretend I can't be bothered to respond. Call it a copping mechanism but I'm a procrastinator to the fullest when it comes to this wedding planning business. This is no surprise if you follow my Snapchats (@eastwillowgrove) as I speak out this frequently!

Wedding planning has been more of a chore. Ticks on a to-do list that I always dread pulling out. Phone calls and emails I feel are never ending and the money, the money! I keep telling myself we are spending it wisely and I know when I'm on the beach with a Mai Tai in hand I will believe it, but for now, I keep questioning myself.

This is the reason why I wanted a destination wedding though. I wanted to relish in a feeling of bliss with my family and friends for a week. To feel like the money was well spent, the phone calls and emails paid off and that to-do list was done, finished, completed. 

My brain is filled with so much wedding planning I feel lost in the midst of it all. If pictures and video didn't mean everything to me I would probably walk down the isle bare foot in my favorite sweats eating candy with the boys, drinking a cocktail and smiling at Jerek. I'm ready for these next 10 days to fly by. I'm ready to shoot travel diary videos I've been dreaming about, to be on our first ever family vacation all four of us and to say 'I still do' to Jerek.

T-MINUS 13 DAYS!

Hump Day Confessions: Wedding Talk

The wedding. It's all people ever talk about with us now. What's our date. Where are we getting married. Do we have colors picked out? Who is going to be in the bridal party? Where are we going on a honeymoon? Were going on a honeymoon, right?

I guess I shouldn't complain I mean, no one is asking me when were going to have another baby anymore, right!

Anywho, if you see me on the reg you probably already know this but I'm having really bad anxiety lately about this wedding stuff. I'm pretty sure it's solely the venue that is stressing me out. The fact that you need to start looking and BOOK something at least 12-18 months in advance is so stressful to me. I know some people have dreamed about where they want to get married months, even years before they actually do but I've never been that person. I have thought about all the fun stuff like picking out flowers, dresses and invites. I think about the way I'm going to ask the girls to stand with me, the outfits that I want the boys to wear and the vows I want to say. This picking a venue out is hard work.

I finally bit the bullet and booked a few venues to look over these past few weeks.We were able to see two before my work trip and one when we got back. I'm still holding out on the last venue because they have to see if they even have the space/time available for when we want, otherwise there's no point in seeing it, in my eyes at least. I have a backup plan if we just can't find something that we really like but I'll wait to talk about it. Actually, I won't call it a backup plan, because that sounds like I wouldn't like this venue. It's more like another option that was presented to us if we wanted to use it. I know secrets don't make friends but... no new friends, no new friends no new friends no no new.' {mmm Drake anyone?} KIDDING! I'll share soon once we have it all figured out, promise.

If picking out a venue wasn't hard enough two of my best friends from college are also engaged and trying to get married next fall. Exciting right? Well while this is fun for all parties involved I'm even more stressed because we are trying to plan our weddings around each others as we will be in/at all of them. I have a list in my phone of dates I can't have even when we do find a venue because of this. #firstworldproblems

A few weeks ago I made a Knot.com profile. I got to the home page, looked around and freaked the eff out. I then preceded to go on my Facebook and beg for people to leave comments on where they got married and if they recommended it. I was probably crying while I posted that plea so forgive me if I sounded like a baby. HOWEVER, I got so many responses it was awesome {I'm sure I'll do it again, don't worry!} This then led me to check out the websites mentioned and I even stumbled across other venues I may not have. {Social Media for the win!} So thank you to anyone that commented or sent me messaged and also reads here, you da bestest! With a boat load of emails to send out I started jotting down questions I had for each venue.

I realized I was asking the same questions so I decided I should make a Google doc and pretend I'm some bride that has all her shit together {secret.. I DON'T!} I got a few Excel cells in said eft this, where was that post Kathleen wrote about a few months ago? I poped onto her website, downloaded the Google Doc and boom was ready to start. I altered hers around a bit to make it more fitting for me, my budget, needs, wants, etc and it's working out perfectly! I can now be anywhere and not think, 'aw piss, I left my wedding notebook at home, greatttttt, now what...'

 Now I realize I'm like THE last person to offer up wedding advice because I'm sitting here explaining how I'm freaking out on all things wedding related BUT if you are planning your wedding and need a guideline check out Kathleen's website. She is a web design manager by day but her graphic design abilities are out of this world. She offers up many Google & Excel docs and some great wedding guides that I will be following! Her birthday was also yesterday so ya know, HBD girlfranddd!

Welp, I guess that's it for now, hopefully we pick a venue soon or I'm about to book us all a flight to Fiji and call it a day, and by all, I mean me, Jer and the boys, sorry family!

While talking about money ultimately means spending money, lets all talk about the $145 cash giveaway that I'm hosting with some other bad ass bloggers over at A Farmers Wife blog. You can enter oh I think 20+ different ways. And if you win and want to pay for part of our flight to Fiji, holllaaaa!

Hump Day Confessions

Two weeks have past which means Trace has gone to preschool 4 days so far and I'm here to report. Just like everyone said, 'it will get better.'

and it has.

It's odd how that works, people tell you something and they end up being right, for now at least. Until the next obstacle emerges and I'm crying to the internet for help, reassurance, proof that it will get better. I never ask for it to be easier, that's just so unrealistic and we all know I'm trying to keep it real here folks! All in all he is still a little stressed the night before but we {both of us} are not crying at drop off and he actually is helping his friend in his big boy room be brave and they color together in the morning. I seriously am smiling ear to ear when I leave because he's being so sweet and brave!

These last few weeks we haven't had much planned but we've done a lot. I started getting everything together for the Mom2Mom that my girlfriend and I are working this Saturday. I'm going through everything we have and selling anything I'm not 100% in love with or think we will need in the future (if) we are lucky enough to have another. I say this because having children is not easy for everyone and "deciding" when/how you want to have them isn't just that easy. I will have a whole video next week on the M2M if you haven't been to one before as they are for the crazy's. No really, you have to be nuts to go to them but scoring fabulous deals is something I'm all about so ya know, I put my crazy mother F hat on and get on in there with a big bag and some green paperbacks.

Speaking of my girlfriend that is doing the M2M with me, she is also my photographer! I realize that sounds weird, like I own her, it just sounds fancy right! no Chelsea, no.

This past weekend we had our first family of four photos taken. Yes you read that right. Sky is almost 14 months old and this was the first time someone other than myself in selfie mode was taking pictures of us. I hate to brag but we all look really good! I mean, I planned the outfits and did my hair and makeup and I made those boys, and I guess you can say Jerek helped. Really the person who should be noted is Jenny. She is the star here. Capturing moments of smiles and laughter on such a beautiful fall day it was literally {for you mom!} PERFECT. This was just a taste of the amazing photos Jeni took and I will have more up this weekend so look for that!

You'll probably notice how great my hair looks in the photos too right? Well it does and if Youtube would ever upload my vlog from this past weekend you would see I got it colored and cut {3 inches off}. My hairdresser, Jamie is also due with her first little one {a boy!} on Tracen's birthday! I'm secretly wishing she has him then and we can bitch and moan together about how annoying Christmas birthday's are.

Tomorrow the winner of my one year of blogging will be announced and I will be eating cupcakes to celebrate. Yup, sure will, any reason to celebrate and eat cake is good enough for me!

Hope you all are having a great week, happy hump dayyyyyy!

Hump Day Confessions

Dear Wednesday,

I have to confess, I'm glad you are not a 'daycare day'. I can't handle another daycare day right now. I'm exhausted just thinking about the stress Tracen is going through lately. I'm getting questions thrown at me that I don't want to answer because I know he'll start crying, barrel into my arms and collapse. Like Monday, Monday was bad.

Monday I actually sat in the hallway at school, holding Tracen while he trembled in my arms, crying that he didn't want to go in his classroom, that he didn't want me to leave. I was a mess. I cried too, holding him tightly in hopes the embrace would calm him down. Like those jackets you put on a dog, the pressure is supposed to make them relax. But Tracen is not a dog nor did it work, so we just cried together, on the floor, holding each other as other parents dropped their kids off. The daycare owner came and tried calming us both down. Prying him from my arms to give me a break, a moment to regroup. Holding him, consoling him like he was her own.

The whole morning leading up to the meltdown wasn't bad, in fact, it was relatively normal. He woke up and did his usual morning thing; not wanting to leave my spot of the bed that holds the warmth around his little body, asked to watch a Peppa Pig, reluctantly got dressed, drank some juice and got in the car. He was a little hesitant on the drive to school but didn't say much. When we arrived he waited for me to get Sky out and we rang the bell to be buzzed in. I held his hand, staring down at his face, wondering when it was going to happen. Last Friday, the 5th, was his first day of preschool and it took Jer and I an hour to leave. I was scared what today had in store, with just me this time. We took Sky to the infant room and I could sense it. The tension, stress, as he looked at me waiting for me to mumble the words "now on to the big boy room Trey."

When I spoke, his lips began to quiver, the same way mine do when I'm about to start ugly crying {as if there is a non ugly way to cry?}. They started. The tears, lots of them, full force. The infants started staring, Sky just ate {per usual, he was use to this.} Trey ran off screaming "I don't want to go to the big boy roooooommmmm!!!!" and I went looking for him. He was sitting on the floor in his old room that he transitioned from with his head in his hands. I lost it. I melted. I couldn't help it if I tried. So I scooped him up and started walking with him back into the hallway. Trying to reassure him that he was brave, a big brother and he was so lucky he got to play all day with his friends. He looked at me and sobbed "but I don't want you to weave, I want to play wif you and sing songs wif you. please don't weave me mumma"

Now you can understand why my lips started shaking. When a child tells you that, you lose it. You don't care that you're late for work, or that traffic is going to be horrific. All you care about are those words, those emotions attached to the 'don't weave me.' This is when the owner came in to the rescue, she saw I needed it. I honestly had no idea what else to do. I consoled him by saying daddy would be there in a little bit to pick him up and I loved him. Then I left. There was nothing left to do but leave and call Jerek crying on the way into work.

As we inch one day past a daycare day, we also inch one day closer to the next. To the next feeling of security that is lost when we have to drop off. To the next set of tears I don't want to see stream from his bright blue eyes. To the next guilt I'm left to deal with as I head to work, stressed out myself. As I bring all of these emotions and anxiety with me. They travel in my car, up to my office and back home. Until he walks through the doors and runs in and smiles, 'I had a good day, I was brave mommy!'