ALMOST 31

Like most people, I'm busy. In fact I don't know anyone that will honestly say "I'm not really that busy" If you know someone that would say that, send them way, I'd looove to talk to them and find out why they are so boring.

2017 Goals

In 2016 I set some goals and I had been meaning to check back and hold myself accountable but really didn't. We got married, we went to weddings, we traveled, we had hard times, we had good times and well, life happened and I never really went back to them. Until today, today I went back and thought, what the hell was I suppose to try and do this last year again?

Catch up

The white noise in blog land has been heavy lately huh. When I say the last few weeks have been busy I mean THEY.HAVE.BEEN.BUSY!

But honestly, don't you hate when people say that, like DUH WE'RE ALL FREAKING BUSY!

So sorry for saying that.

Moving on!

The shop has been crazy lately but its been amazing, no real complaining there! If you are following on Snap or IG stories you'll know that because I usually chat with you while I'm in the basement filling orders. A HUGE thanks to everyone for all the love from Black Friday, Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday, that shit has been NUTS!

I've been busy printing shirts, wrapping merchandise and trying to get to the post in time for last pick ups. Doing this all while working a full-time, attempting to be a great mom, wife and friend has been a little tricky. Sorry to any friends or family in advance, or I guess not so in advance. I suck.

Oh and as if I wasn't already overbooking myself this month; something I love to do, I decided to do Vlogmas over on my YouTube channel, OUI! Vlogmas is vlogging every day in December (or some just do 25 days, but I'm doing the whole month).

I've been nostalgically watching old videos and missing all the vlogs I had time to do. There's been a lot of life changing things that have been happening to friends and family close to us and it's been pulling on my heart lately. I wanted to make sure I'm getting back to where I started, the roots, the recording of our everyday lives. It started so casually as documenting my life living from the very beginning and I feel like I've been pulled in so many directions (while good directions, but all different ones) that I haven't been capturing nearly as much as I'd like to.

So this month I'm bringing it back to the basics.

Didn't Brittany say that? Maybe not.

This weekend we went to the tree farm we went to last year and picked out a cute little baby tree with some of Jerek's family. I dunno why but I wanted a smaller one this year. This however resulted in the tree stand we already had being too big for the little tree we got and Jer had to DIY that shit, nothing a tree skirt can't cover!

We are 16 days away from Tracen turning 6 and my mind body and soul just can't handle. I guess that's another post for another day though. Last night after bath time the boys were running around screaming, playing and laughing hysterically. I tried to reel myself back from being a party pooper and making them calm down before bed because they were so cute and having fun. They were acting the way I had dreamed about years and years ago when I wanted to be pregnant again. Laughing and playing together like best friends do.

Then the noise stopped and we found this. Sky was begging to sleep in bubbas (Tracen's) bed.

Before I get too sappy and start crying I bid you farewell for today that is!

Don't forget, if you want to see what we're doing ever day this month come over and watch us in real life, or as real life as 7-10 min of a 24 day hour can be!

Click HERE to watch the first 4 days in case you've missed it.

xx Chel

Happy Third Birthday, Skylor!

Three years ago I waddled into the labor and delivery room at 8pm, praying I was over 5cm dilated. I had been walking around at 4cm for two weeks and taking care of a toddler like that is exhausting! Sure enough I was at a 6 and admitted. About 4 hours later with a push, a laugh and a smile you were here! Born at 37 weeks you were a whopping 8lbs 6 ounces! I was in awe at how easy it all was this time around!

From the beginning Sky has always been an easy, go with the flow baby. He was easy to feed, easy to soothe, and easy to put down for bed.  I wore him everywhere we went, he rarely got upset and took Tracen's 2 year old rough housing like a champ. He will play in his crib for hours, reading books, and playing with his stuffed animals. When he's ready he will yell for you to come get him, giddy with excitement he always says I SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU!

His personality shines through his smile but he's very mellow kid (this may sound like an oxymoron but it's not!) He hates the sun, is very much a homebody, quite the opposite of a true Leo baby! His emotions are big when he is enjoying something, he will squeal with excitement about it being soooooo good or sooooo fun! When you're not expecting it, he will say I need a hug and hug you so hard and smile afterwards. He loves Ducati and Jerek the most, would lay around on the couch with them for days if he could. 

Sky is sweet and light hearted, a lover of food and smiles! Everyone always says Tracen looks like Jerek but it's uncanny how much Skylor and him look alike at this age! The days go by so fast and I remember this very moment as if it was yesterday! I can't believe you are already three baby Sky Sky!

Sometimes I wonder why I do this to myself! Rummaging through all the old photos and videos makes me so incredibly emotional! But also SO happy that I've been documenting it all and not just via photos but through videos too. Videos show stories and emotions that can sometimes be lost in photos years later. We are having his party on Sunday and surprising him with a new helmut and scooter! Like most things with second kids, he gets a lot of hand me downs. I figured hopefully something shiny and new will up his excitement and maybe get him to walk again. He got his cast off last week and has yet to walk, so fingers crossed!

Happy birthday Skylor Vance, to the littlest of my house of boys!

| 1st birthday video  | 2nd birthday video  |

This is 30

A massive, huge and ginormous thank you for all the birthday love yesterday, it was greatly appreciated! We spent yesterday getting a new cast for Sky's leg, dropping some serious dough on all new kitchen appliances (#adulting), had a little shopping trip at the mall and then out for dinner and drinks. It was just us two. Nothing elaborate, just us, enjoying time together. 

It.Was.Perfect.

I had a video edited to go up yesterday recapping the last 10 years but sometimes words are better read than heard. And sometimes it's the opposite, but this time I wasn't feeling the video I created.

I turned thirty yesterday. 

And turning 30 is not something we should fear. We should be excited, thrilled that we’ve gotten this far. As recent events have given us any indication that sometimes getting to thirty isn't promised to everyone.

I think there’s a stigma attached with age and status.

That we should be doing this or having that by a certain age.

And that’s just not reasonable to think that way; it will drive a person crazy.

10 years ago if you asked me where I thought I’d be I’m not sure I really knew.

I was a 20 year old girl in college with a long distance relationship, 18 credit hours every semester and working three jobs just to get by. 

I was pretty sure I knew what adulting felt and looked like at that point in life.

I thought by 30 I'd probably have kids; possibly married.

I never could have imagined it would look like this.

It's better than I thought.

My 20’s were learning years.

They were hard years, but fun years too.

I trucked through years of a separation turned divorce of my parents and a selling of my childhood home. I came home far less then most college kids; home just didn’t feel right to me.

I threw myself into work, school and Jer.

I learned that working three jobs and going to college full-time was exhausting.

School has always been extremely hard for me. No matter how hard I studied and prepared I never seemed to come out on top.

I doubted my ability to graduate college on a daily basis.

But some how I did.

...barely.

Upon gradation I had no direction of where I wanted to go or what I wanted to "be".

I moved home and I had a internship I worked for free 4 days a week along with 2 paid jobs. I moved in with Jerek and his family and while I was forever grateful for the hospitality I ultimately felt so lost in life.

I broke up with Jerek and moved to California thinking it would help me find myself.

I had no direction left in me, like a compass spinning aimlessly.

I learned that sometimes you need to lose yourself in order to find yourself.

So I packed up my things and ended up moving back home.

A few months later we reconnected and he gave me another chance.

It was what I was looking for the entire time.

Something I had all along but was so lost and plagued by life events I was blinded by it all.

He was my rock. The foundation to my being. He was that last puzzle piece that you thought you lost under the table 

but some how you found it.

A puzzle complete, a smile on your face.

I told my mom I was pregnant on my 25th birthday.

I still didn’t have that career like everyone thought they’d have after college graduation.

We welcomed Tracen into our world a month early and with huge hearts. The NICU tested our ability to think clearly but we managed to get through it.

We started 2011 with a new baby.

We had more bills and less money than we ever had but we were so happy...we had each other.

We both worked multiple jobs to ensure the best life we could have together.

This got us into our careers we have now.

At 26 I had a miscarriage. 

One week I feared what having 2 under 2 would look like and the next everything was just...gone.

Fear was replaced with sorrow.

Finding the silver lining seemed almost impossible.

I had just turned 27 and then Skylor was born. It was life changing.

Joy was restored after heartache the year before.

Our careers have been on an incline over the last few years and we managed to scrounge up some money and buy our first home together.

A home that feels so good to be in every morning that I open my eyes. Something I haven't felt in a very long time. I've moved every single year since I was 17, I was use to the change. 

So what's next. 

I keep asking myself that very question.

I think my 30’s will be better than my 20’s, in the sense that I’ve gone through a lot of the tough learning stuff already.

But in my 20’s I brought 2 lives into this world and got married...topping that is going to be hard.

In my 30’s I want to travel more. a lot more.

I want to practice patience, lord knows I’ll need when the teen age years hit me.

I want to cook more, be better about what is going into my body.

I want to pay down or better yet pay OFF debt. 

Debt holds you back from living life.

I want to keep dating Jerek. The moment you stop, is the moment you forget why you started.

But most importantly I just want to be present in the moment.

In the day

the hour

in every second. 

Stop saying some day and make today that day.

Cheers to the next ten years.

One Year Later

Sunday is Father's Day and this year it also marks one year from when I originally shared one of my most honest and open hearted posts to date. A post I had sitting in my draft folder for months, almost years.

By opening up my heart and letting my fingers do the typing it's ultimately helped others.

Others I didn't know would need it.

As the months go by I watch the boys grow up into tiny humans with ears that tend to not listen and I yell more than I would like to. With summer approaching and our windows are wide open I wonder what the neighbors must think of me.

But I don't care,
I want more.

More kids.
More chaos.
More lives to worry about.

I still open emails from strangers; some not so strange, girls I went to high school and college with, some from a mom group I'm in. They thank me for my post a year ago and how it's helped them find peace between the pain.

Lately many families I watch on YouTube have been struggling with miscarriages. It breaks my heart, makes me think back to a few years ago when I was them.

I don't know if I can say I'm 100% pass everything because as I find myself obsessing over having another baby, tracking ovulation, thinking of names, I also find myself envisioning us right back in the ER room. I'm scared it could happen again, perhaps further along this time.

But this fear will not cripple me, it will not consume me.

In 2011 I got the words Lebe für heute [live for today-in German] tattoo'd on my back left shoulder. A constant reminder that tomorrow is promised to no one and that every day can be filled with happiness if you allow it to be.

I'm not sad this day happens to fall on Father's day this year, it's almost liberating in a sense. Jerek is the dad I dreamed about marrying. One who loves his kids and family with his whole being. While I'm scared it could happen all again, the risk is worth the payoff. Life can be challenging and really fucking hard at times. Secure your helmet tightly on your melon, put your best foot forward and press on. When there is an obstacle in your way you figure out how to move past it. It may take some time but always keep moving, keep living for today.

xx chels

A letter to our daycare on Pre-K graduation

Dear Daycare,

Sometimes the days can seem like a blurry mess.

I realize sometimes I'm the mess that walks through the doors, rushing to get rid of my kids and on to work. I walk in with 4 day old hair, and an outfit choice that has seen better days. With one kid on my hip screaming he wants to push the intercom button and the other one running to push it before him, just to piss the little one off.

Some days my eyes are blurry from tears of doubt. Are we even doing this right? A constant question that runs through my head.

Then there are days I'm full of life all because we had a good ride in. A successful morning of getting dressed with no arguing and lunches made the night before.

So here is to you, a big, never said enough, thank you.

Thank you for watching over both my boys. For making hand made gifts on holidays and making them feel special on days they don't.

For stopping me and asking if I'm doing okay, even though you can see through the tears in my eyes that some days I'm not. 

Thank you for welcoming us with open arms. For taking your Christian beliefs and values and not seeing us as some unwed couple but as a loving and caring family.

Tracen is timid but brave at the same time and can long board better than any five year old I know. He strives to win at games and sports but loves helping others win and feel that same excitement. Thank you for helping teach him that.

He helps Skylor during drop off and shows him how to be brave and that parents always come back. Sometimes getting his waffle and fruit set up for him and telling him he hopes he sees him on the playground. No matter how rushed I am in the morning these times are worth being late for. 

Tracen has made friends at school and has gone to birthday parties. Laughing at fart jokes and pretending to be Spiderman with his buddies. Thank you for bringing these kids into his life.

Thank you for teaching him Spanish, Italian and German, for teaching him songs accompanied by sign language. For teaching him the pledge of allegiance, to pray before he eats and why we really celebrate holidays.

Thank you for giving endless bags of ice and big bear hugs when he's fallen off jungle gyms and insists the scrapes are worse than they are.

Thank you for always saying hi in the morning even if I don't always answer back.

The forms have been signed and dropped off and just like that Kindergarten is here. While there are days we get excited that it's one less bill out of our pocket I become sad knowing we are leaving you.

You've done us well these last 5 years daycare! Your teachers hearts are in the right place, coming to work every day and caring for kids as if they were there own. I will forever be grateful for the teachers that have helped mold Tracen into the little human that he is and prepare him for this next stage.

And who knows, maybe we'll be back with another one later down the road!

First day of Preschool  | Last day of Preschool | First day of Pre-K

To the parents the night before you have your first baby

Today one of my best friends from college is bringing her son into this world! She's jumped through numerous hurdles and surgeries to get to this point, one she's dreamed about. Every time I talk to her she's so positive and strong after these long and tiring years, I'm so incredibly proud and happy for her!

Last night I went to send Meg a text since I knew he'd be here today, something funny about how today would go but I had to pause mid thumb type. Tracen was crying because he was soooooo bored and Skylor was pulling on my hand yelling let me show youuuuu which really means, come with me to the fridge so I can tell you what I want to eat...again. I was frustrated because I just wanted a minute to send her a message but I couldn't because they needed me.

A couple hours passed and I was sitting down in my favorite part of the couch (the corner!) waiting for Jerek to come join me so we could stay up far too late and watch The Game of Thrones. I started to type out things like "get some rest, tomorrow is going to be amazing but exhausting!" and then I stopped. She didn't need to hear that. The past couple years of surgeries have been exhausting. The hours and days spent in doctor offices have been exhausting. The countless shots, medications and procedures have been exhausting. This, this was the exciting part! Being exhausted because you were up all night with a baby is nothing compared to how tired she's been in the past. She didn't need to hear me telling her things like that, so I deleted the text and started over.

Your lives have already changed forever as you've been growing this little guy for months now! Tomorrow everything is just set into play; things get more real and even more fun! You're going to be exhausted, you'll cry over literally nothing and everything at the same time! But if I can give you any advice it would be to smile every day you wake up. 

There will be really hard days, days you don't think you'll get through. And days where you don't want to put him to bed because he's just so much fun! Days where you want to kick Jason out of house and days where YOU just want to leave and sneak away from it all. But mostly there will be days of laughter and smiles, barfing and poop explosions! 

There will be days of firsts and lasts. Days you feel fat and days you think no one understands what you're feeling. Remember, you can always ask for help, whether it's someone close that can physically help or someone far away that is needed as a sounding board! Always ask for help, never feel bad about doing so. If you want Jason to do something, TELL HIM, he's no mind reader. I love you guys so incredibly much. I can't wait for you to feel the emotions we've been feeling over these last 5 years, they are incredible! It beats any other feeling in the entire world!

Our conversation went on as we talked about how we both were so excited and I couldn't wait to meet him this summer. After we said bye I thought about how long and hard the day was. The boys were exhausting; they literally were a whiny hot mess ALL.DAY.LONG. I was happy to finally sit on the couch and watch a show I wanted to watch and snuggle up with Jer. To not have to get anyone but myself a damn drink, that's the stuff you sometimes day dream about!

But as I've said before the days, months and years go by fast. Tracen starts kindergarten soon and Sky will be three in a few months. Life before them was fun and amazing but no one told me the night before I gave birth how truly wonderful it all would be. So remember to be kind in what you say to the expecting. They know they will be tired, they know it will be hard and they also know how exciting this journey will be!

Congrats Megan and Jason, this ride is a fun one <3 

My word of the year

I felt like this needed it's own post, that popping it casually into my 2016 goals wasn't going to end well. Mainly because I had more to say than just here's my word of the year and not fully explain the meaning or purpose behind it.

Over the last 5 years of motherhood I've never chosen a specific word or feeling that I try and focus on. Or perhaps I subconsciously have and that word was really survive! This year I'm doing something different. Alongside my 2016 goals I've been working towards a word that can best be described as something to focus on and to practice wholeheartedly.

: A state of equilibrium or equipoise.

: Mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc.

: The power or ability to decide an outcome by throwing one's strength, influence, support, or the like, to one side of the other.

Over the years I've attempted to be more present, to give more grace and to stop making promises I simply cannot keep. I've tried to work harder, love stronger and to not say yes to everything. My problem is I try doing all these things at once. My personality is an all or nothing deal. I like habits and order, I thrive on stability yet slightly fiend on the uncertainty of things at times. But I like having plans, knowing there is structure involved but I also like just going and leaving. No set path, just doing.

That's the problem though.

I can't do both. I can't just "know" things will just work out, I have to have a plan and at least attempt to follow the plan. I have to financially be aware of my actions and not whisper but it's just money.

I need to have balance. In all aspects of life.

I need to raise my voice when it's important, when I want them to know to take me seriously, but not when I've had a bad day and just can't take one more ounce of the complaining. That's not fair.

I need to work on my future plans financially because people depend on me like I unknowingly depended on others when I was their age.

I need to find a healthy relationship with food, exercise and cocktails. While all three are amazing, moderation, BALANCE is key!

Cheers to 2016, the year of BALANCE.

30 Before 30: Update

It's been awhile since my 30 before 30 post (here in case you missed it) and I figured I'd do a little check in, in case you were wondering how it's going that is! 5 months from today I turn 30, but who's counting anyway!

[Recap of the last post]

1. Get married (T-minus 2 months!)

2. Go to the beach in the winter

3. Take a hot air balloon ride

4. Read 10 books (MAJOR EFFING FAIL!)

5. Go to Lollapalooza in Chicago 

6. Make a baby blanket for someone

7. Go to NYC (Have been stalking KAYAK!)

8. Sky dive

9. Run a half marathon

10. Visit sleeping bear sand dunes (DONE!)

11. See a Broadway show (Hoping the stalking KAYAK might payoff?)

12. Camp {in a tent, under the stars...and not complain} (Happening Fathers day weekend, lord help me! No, help my family who we're going with!)

13. Meet Mary Kate and Ashley (hopefully someone sent them an invite to Mexico)

14. Drive a 2 seater car

15. Go to Disney/Book a trip to Disney

16. Rent a house/cottage for a week in the summer

17. Wear a bikini {mom goals guys, mom goals} (T minus 2 months!)

18. Take boys to Niagara Falls

19. Buy a DSLR camera (DONE! Have been shooting with it for awhile now)

20. Ski/snowboard & not cry (maybe if there was snow in Michigan-kidding, I love this weather!)

21. Go to a Oprah live show 

22. Pay credit cards off {and not use them!} (this might not happen till after the wedding)

23. Visit a winery (End of April for Christina's bachlorette party!)

24. Take a photography class

25. Volunteer at a shelter 

26. Fly first class 

27. Go to a Lions game

28. Transfer Blog over to Wordpress

29. Audition for a reality show {Amazing race, I need you in my life!} (watch this weeks vlog convo)

30. Start a garden {try to keep alive!} (DONE! More like a jungle!)

The list is moving, slowly but surely. I've only done some of these but do have some booked/planned this far. While I'm wishing I had more checked off my list some of these will happen in the upcoming months and even well into the year after I turn 30. Some of these I don't really care to do anymore or even do before I'm 30 but that's okay, they will stay for now. That is, until my 40 before 40 list comes out in July!

The point is is that things are happening and it's been amazing to document them as I check them off! I encourage you all to make a list of things you want to do in a time frame to try and achieve them. It helps with saving money, taking a better look at your priorities and planning. Cheers to the next 5 months of adventures!

2015 Year in Review

Happy New Year! 

There is so much to say from this past year I figured a video reviewing it all might be better. Cheers to 2015 and hello 2016, the year of our wedding! XX

Motherhood and Friendships

High school is different than college and college is different than parenthood.

Acquaintances are nice to have but friends are even better. 

I've had a wide range of friends in my life for as long as I can remember. In high school I never felt clumped into a category. I had friends I played soccer with, friends in band, theater, choir and cheer. Friends that didn't play a single sport, friends that liked to stay in and not go out on a Friday night. I had friends still from elementary, friends from other schools and friends that went too church.

In college I still held onto some friendships from high school, but as some started to fade new ones grew and blossomed. There were many times friendships started over, rekindled and revived simply by a course of events, a communication barrier that was broken and then fixed.

Then there are others that faded further into the realm of darkness. There's been a few times where I wish I would have stepped back, and fought harder for friendships because like all things in life, some things are worth fighting for. Without dwelling on the past I've learned that like high school and college, life after parenthood will change too. 

After graduation you are faced with the ever revolving question of "so what's next?"

It's a question I consciously have to make sure I don't ask others, that one question haunted me for many years. As I slaved away at a tanning booth, office job and a restaurant, all at once, I saw friends landing "real jobs" and it was a constant reminder that I still felt lost in the post college tornado; desperately wanting out.

I've since landed a job that I currently call my career so that question no longer weighs on me.

Having kids before majority of my friends did though. You will find many meme's that say things like "want to know who your true friends are, have kids." While I believe this is semi true I think it really depends on where you are in life.

When I had Tracen I was 25 and most of my friends were either single, just getting engaged and still going out a ton. It was lonely on my end. I was at home most nights, not making great money and if people called it was 10 minutes before they were doing it.

I needed things to be scheduled, a time frame to follow, to allow me to coordinate who will watch Tracen. No one understood that, no one but Jerek. I remember many nights crying to him, wondering if things would ever change. Then one day things just got better. I started understanding that some nights people weren't calling me not because I had a baby but because they too were just staying at home watching Netflix. I started making sure I reached out as well, planned things and kept in touch.

Friendship is a two way street. You are not allowed to each give 50%, you must both give 100%.

Now at 29 with two kids Jerek and I do our best to each go out with friends while the other stays home. We rely on family 100% for date nights so we make those count. Our friends stop by and hang out for a bit to see us and the boys and catch up. While they may never realize how much it means to us, it truly does. We may be wiping someones ass but your 30 minute stop ins are like a breath of fresh air!  We try and make trips to friends house when we can, we plan brunches, cider mill and shopping trips. We put in the effort to see each other and while some months are harder for me to keep in touch than others, I know that my girlfriends understand and thats why my friendships I have currently are strong.

Perhaps you just had a baby and are feeling stressed, remind yourself that it's better to have 4 quarters rather than 100 pennies when it comes to friends. Find your people and put in the effort, no matter how busy you think you are, no matter where you are in your life, make the effort, find your village.

Our Engagement Story

Today marks 12 years, 12 years of dating, loving, and fighting for each other, for us. We've spent years of working on us, years of loving each other unconditionally, years of parenting together and years of showing everyone that making a commitment to each other is more than just paper and a big party.

You can see our 10 year anniversary post here and our 11 year anniversary post here.

Over the years, before actually being engaged and planning a wedding, I've always said I would never need to be engaged longer than a year. I've been with Jer forever so wedding planning should be easy I said. Jerek was always the one that suggested maybe we get married in 2016, so we have more time to plan the wedding, more time to save, what's the rush. I'm pretty sure we got in a few fights over the topic because I swore "you just don't get it, that's just so long!"..."I WANT MORE BABIES!!!!" *le sigh* 

You win Jer.

You're right.

I'm wrong.

Yea yea yea.

Last month on October 10th, it was one whole year of engagement bliss! I know I know, I sound like a mega cheese ball but honestly it's been a great year. We've been really busy with work, wedding planning and enjoying life that 12 months have flown by. While editing photos form the preception (yes, they WILL be up soon, PROMISE!) I realized I've never spilled the beans on the engagement story! Funny story, Jer tried proposing a few times the month before but things just didn't pan out!

After proposing he told me when these times were. I guess he was going to at our family pictures last September but he left the ring in his jacket which he took off half way through the photos and left it in the car; nice work Jer. Then a few weeks later he had made a sign and had the boys with him and knew my route home from work. I always bitch and moan about my commute so he was going to stop me midway and propose right then and there, but he said he missed me by a minute.

So fast forward to October 10, 2014. He happen to have the day off work, I'm sure I was irritated the whole day about it too. Solely because I wanted to be off work and on a day date with him and not slaving away. I came home early before we needed to go grab the boys from daycare and I walked in to a super clean home with flowers on the counter. Jerek was all giddy with excitement when he opened the door and squealed 'WANNA SEE WHAT I DID TODAY!" Imagine Will Ferrell in ELF...YEA...

He took me to the back family room and showed me the floor that was laying there, under the gross carpet he ripped out. "Are you mad? It's not bad right?" It was actually much better than I thought and honestly that carpet was bad so anything would have been better!

I flopped down on the couch and was exhausted. Work was wearing me out and I probably stayed up far too late watching Netflix the night before so all I wanted was relax for a few minutes before we left for daycare.

Jerek had mentioned a few times about signing Tracen up for indoor soccer and said we should go check it out before we left.  I figured we would go online and sign him up but he insisted he dragged me off the couch and to the soccer dome.

While we drove there I honestly had no idea he was going to propose. No idea why the soccer dome was the slightest bit of importance. Jerek did though, he remembers everything, all the details, all the memories. We pulled up and the bubble wasn't even up yet, the office hours were only open till 4 and it was a little after so they were closed. I think I told Jerek something along the lines of "see, we should just go online and sign up, lets go."

He continued to pull into a parking spot and calmly said, "Come on, get out!" At that point I was so confused what the hell we were doing there but Jerek knew, he knew the whole time.

He remembered back in 2003, when he was in that same parking spot, picking me up from a party down the street (sorry mom).  I met him there and we sat in my car and talked. I think I said something like "so are you going to be my boyfriend yet or what?" because that's who I am people.

Back to present day, Jerek and I were in front of my car holding hands and I'm realizing what the hell is happening. He wasn't nervous, he was calm and smiling and so happy. His voice wasn't trembling, wasn't scared, he was so excited. After his crazy sweet proposal he got down on one knee at the place where we made it official so many years ago. Right across from the high school, the place where we spent years together as just friends. We said yes again, to each other, to continue being best friends, to  keep parenting as one unit, to keep loving each other unconditionally, and to keep waking up next to each other, every, single day.

We were so giddy when we picked up the kids, Tracen asked if he got a special ring when we all get married, Sky just said 'hiiiii, I hungry!'...of course he did. We then left for Washington DC on a trip we had planned for months. Instead of spilling our new secret to everyone as soon as we got there we kept it in. Putting my ring on when in the bathroom, taking photos to put on Instagram but never posting and continunally smiling. We kept in the secret for the weekend because Jerek's aunts had just moved to DC and we were there to celebrate in their excitement.

The whole weekend we just smiled at each other, knowing what we knew. Jer would randomly ask me if I had the ring in my purse, and smile. It was perfect, all of it. We finally told his family at the end of the weekend and they were ecstatic and so surprised since no one knew ahead of time!

You can watch our trip to DC here and our engagement photos video here!

Happy 12 years,

to my one and only.

May the next 12 years

be just as exciting as these have been!

Who watches the kids when you're gone?

I get this question a lot. More than I feel is normal to ask someone.

I've mentioned before that I've been traveling for work more and I've been consumed by our pre-ception party as well as other weddings I'm in, attending or shooting video for.

Without fail I get friends, family, co-workers, even strangers asking me who is watching the boys when I'm not around. I'm sure my facial reaction is probably scary once the question is presented to me. The look of 'what do you mean who watches the boys when I'm not around???"

My answer is always the same.

Jerek.

Jerek is.

Their dad,

you know,

the other person that raises them with me.

Some people stumble over their words after my answer and usually say 'oh yeah yeah of course, I just wasn't sure' and then do this awkward smile and don't make eye contact with me further. I'm sure some people genuinely don't know our work schedules or daycare situation and wonder when I'm gone who picks up, drops off, etc. So in that sense I get the question but for most of the people asking I always want to ask them, 'who watches your kids when their mom isn't around?

My answer use to be 'Jerek does, he's the next best thing to me.' I've stopped saying that because that's not true, he's not the NEXT best thing, he's as equally as good as I am as a parent, hell, some days he's better! While I'm traveling for work or staying well past my normal working hours Jerek's making sure he's leaving work on time to get home and let our aunt leave after watching the boys for 9 hours. He's driving to daycare to pick them up and starting dinner, never complaining about when I'm going to be home, just excited to see me when I get there. Some days when I'm out of town he's doing all this and then coming home to make dinner, get the boys ready for soccer and then home and ready for bed. He's doing it all without me because he's a father, he's their father and that's what you do. That's how we parent, we are a team and some days I'm pulling more weight around here and others he is. But for the most part we contribute 50/50.

There has never been one doubt in my mind when I've left to run to the store, to go to work or I'm half way across the world that I need worry about Jerek being here with them. Some days I seriously question my parenting and am jealous at how calm and collected Jer can be.

I think I've gone to one soccer practice so far. one. Sure I've been there for every soccer game but it kills me inside, missing things, important things, to me. My mind has been wrapped in work work work and Jerek is getting worn out and I can tell. It's a lot to be a parent and work full-time and when your partner that you count on as your teammate isn't there it's 10 times harder. We've both said how grateful we are that we aren't single parents and doing this on our own. I commend all the single parents out there by choice, or not by choice, this shit is exhausting WITH a partner and I hope I never have to do it alone.

So Jerek this one is for you.

Thank you.

I know I haven't said it enough lately, 

most likely because I haven't been home or awake long enough,

but Thank you for being the dad I never doubted you would always be.

Your dedication to this family is appreciated more than you know.

I would be lost with out, our grass would be 10 feet tall 

and the boys would probably eat more ice cream than they should.

Thank you for making sure they aren't the last ones at daycare,

they eat the cheesiest mac and cheese 

and for being the hot soccer dad, 

this soccer mom loves the hell out of you!

100 days left of 2015

In 100 days our news feeds will be flooded with resolutions, goals, ideas and things people want to accomplish in 2016. With 100 days left in 2015 I want you to not dread on the weight you've put on or the things you haven't accomplished in 2015.  Instead take a look back at what has happened leading up till now, the adventures you have done, the goals you have accomplished and the memories you have made.

For me personally 2015 has been a pretty good year. Some years are filled with more bad than good but this year was a very positive one for me personally.

Entering 2015 I was a recently engaged women to a boy I fell in love with back in 7th grade. Also entering 2015 I was a mother to 2 beautiful, healthy boys.

In the first few weeks of 2015 we welcomed our newest nephew Emry Zane into this world and I was honored to be there to witness it all.

Shortly into 2015 we announced our wedding plans which included a pre-ception party in Michigan (in 4 days!) and a destination wedding to follow in 2016.

I set goals ideas in my head of what I wanted to do and see before I turned 30 next year. I'm happy to report these things are coming along nicely too!

We were able to do some projects around the house while still staying on our budget. Our main bathroom got a face lift, as well as our kitchen, with a dressing room update coming soon!

I lost some weight, gained muscle and found confidence back in myself that was hiding for some time.

I shared stories of my personal motherhood journey, ones about eating out at restaurants with kids, about living in the now, about how hard motherhood is but the hardest post to write was about loss.

We took engagement photos that revolved around us and not the family. I talked about mine and Jerek's relationship as unwed parents.

I bared my 'mom bod' in a bathing suit on the internet and had a great reaction.

We took a family vacation over to West Michigan, went to multiple beaches and splash pads and over all had a fantastic summer!

Skylor turned two, Tracen ended preschool and started Pre-K and I cried a whole lot of nights.

I also posted light hearted things like my daily outfits, and easy and affordable makeup options.

More importantly I captured all of our life on video as well as filmed my first wedding! 2015 has been hectic but exhilarating, hard but rewarding. My hopes for the next 100 days are to enjoy the craziness that is about to happen.  Try not to succumb to the stress that overwhelms me with the holiday's closing in or the traveling I will have to do for work. Look forward to the weekend full of family and friends celebrating our wedding, to Halloween with friends and Thanksgiving with family. Hayrides and pumpkin picking, apple crisp making and birthday party planning. To the gift of giving and the start of a new year. But for now, lets live for today and for the days left of 2015.

Here is to the last 100 days of 2015!

Back to School- First day of Pre-K

Holy cow. Trace starts Pre-K and my nephew starts Kindergarten tomorrow, shits gone mad!

If you missed Tracen's first day of preschool here it is and the last day of preschool is here.

I can't believe how fast time is flying. I feel like I'm going to blink and he'll be in 3rd grade. Begging to stay over at his friends house and not have pizza party Friday with us. I've said it before but I'm really happy that his birthday is in December and he's not starting Kindergarten this year. He wouldn't be ready and neither would I.

The pictures below are from this last year. Last year at this time Tracen was crying in my arms at school, begging me not to leave, pleading me to stay home with him and just 'play.' I remember crying when I left last year, explaining to Jer that I don't know how it's going to get better. That I'm never going to get to work on time and that my heart is always going to ache because of how bad I felt every Monday and Friday leaving him. But it got better. Every day got better. And some days were even spectacular even. Days that when he jumped into my car he couldn't stop talking about Henry, Eli and Marco. How he got to go outside TWO times that day and had ice cream for afternoon snack.  Trace has transformed his whole outlook of daycare/school now, while he still dreads leaving us in the morning he's made friends and is learning SO much!

Tomorrow I'll be on a plane headed to Charlotte, North Carolina for work for the next three days. I'll be up and gone before anyone is getting ready for school and work. I'll be sneaking out of our bed from the foot of it, this way I don't disturb the man on the left, Jerek, and the boy on the right, Tracen. I'll sneak into Sky's room and stare at him in the dark and whisper I love you, I'll be back soon and give him a kiss on his forehead while I slip out into the dark somber morning, headed towards Metro Detroit airport.

I'm missing the first day of Pre-K for Trace and also his first soccer practice. (I had to take these pictures Friday because I didn't want to leave that up to Jerek. No offense Jer, you're great and all, I'm just a freak of nature and didn't want to have to send you a bajillion texts asking if you took pictures and if they were good.)

I know there will more practices and more first day's of school but deep inside me I feel bad. It's not something I could help really, it's just part of my job and the project's I'm working on right now, but I feel bad. I know Trace won't remember it years down the road but but the whole time I'm gone I will.

If you're little ones are starting school or even daycare today, good luck, that shit is hard!