THE FIRST DAY

Tracen has on every shade of green imaginable but this is the cutest picture right?!

After a long year of the boys at opposite schools last year they are together again and no one loves this more than mom and dad! Two drop offs and pick ups are exhausting, so much in an out of the damn car it's real annoying.

20 Questions: 6 Years Old

(birthday sign at school)

For the last few years I've been asking Tracen the same questions on his birthday and today, today he turns 6. So here we are, once again, wondering where the time has gone, and me trying not to ugly cry while thinking about how proud we are of our not so little boy.

December 21, 2016 || 6 years old

1. What's your favorite color? Rainbow, I love all the colors!
2. What's your favorite toy? Bluey- (stuffed animal he got w/Grammy)

3. What's your favorite fruit? Strawberries

4. What's your favorite TV show? Kai Lan and Max and Ruby

5. What's your favorite thing to eat for lunch? Mac and Cheese

6. What's your favorite outfit? Jammies

7. What's your favorite game? Trouble

8. What's your favorite snack? Reese and Oreos

9. What's your favorite animal? Monkey, Orcas, Dolphins and Elephants

10. What's your favorite song? Stressed out (21 Pilots) & Whip Nae Nae

11. What's your favorite book? Baby Animals (all about baby animals book)

12. Who's your best friend? Eli- he was my first friend in Pre-k & I miss seeing him

13. What's your favorite cereal? Cherrios

14. What's your favorite thing to do outside? Swimming

15. What's your favorite drink? Juice

16. What's your favorite holiday? All of them! It's just so exciting

17. What do you take to bed with you at night? Blankey and Bluey

18. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Butter bread, Strawberries, Waffles and Pancakes

19. What do you want to eat for dinner for your birthday? Mac and Cheese

20. What do you want to be when you grow up? a helper, I want to help people 

A lot of things are still the same from the last few years but its also nice to see the person he's shaping into be. Today Trace had his holiday party at school so Jer and I took the day off work to be there all together. 

Last night we baked and frosted lots of cookies to take in and share with both Kindergarten classes. Ending the night with some mac and cheese for dinner, per his request, and some ice cream sundaes with cousins and friends!

Happy 6th birthday Tracen! Always remember to stay true to your self, let your vibrant personality shine through and always be kind to others. You will go so far in life, I can't wait to see what this next year brings for you!

If you want to see his answers from his 5 year old questions and 4 year old questions here ya go!

First Day of Kindergarten

Which one of these two kids started Kindergarten today?

A letter to our daycare on Pre-K graduation

Dear Daycare,

Sometimes the days can seem like a blurry mess.

I realize sometimes I'm the mess that walks through the doors, rushing to get rid of my kids and on to work. I walk in with 4 day old hair, and an outfit choice that has seen better days. With one kid on my hip screaming he wants to push the intercom button and the other one running to push it before him, just to piss the little one off.

Some days my eyes are blurry from tears of doubt. Are we even doing this right? A constant question that runs through my head.

Then there are days I'm full of life all because we had a good ride in. A successful morning of getting dressed with no arguing and lunches made the night before.

So here is to you, a big, never said enough, thank you.

Thank you for watching over both my boys. For making hand made gifts on holidays and making them feel special on days they don't.

For stopping me and asking if I'm doing okay, even though you can see through the tears in my eyes that some days I'm not. 

Thank you for welcoming us with open arms. For taking your Christian beliefs and values and not seeing us as some unwed couple but as a loving and caring family.

Tracen is timid but brave at the same time and can long board better than any five year old I know. He strives to win at games and sports but loves helping others win and feel that same excitement. Thank you for helping teach him that.

He helps Skylor during drop off and shows him how to be brave and that parents always come back. Sometimes getting his waffle and fruit set up for him and telling him he hopes he sees him on the playground. No matter how rushed I am in the morning these times are worth being late for. 

Tracen has made friends at school and has gone to birthday parties. Laughing at fart jokes and pretending to be Spiderman with his buddies. Thank you for bringing these kids into his life.

Thank you for teaching him Spanish, Italian and German, for teaching him songs accompanied by sign language. For teaching him the pledge of allegiance, to pray before he eats and why we really celebrate holidays.

Thank you for giving endless bags of ice and big bear hugs when he's fallen off jungle gyms and insists the scrapes are worse than they are.

Thank you for always saying hi in the morning even if I don't always answer back.

The forms have been signed and dropped off and just like that Kindergarten is here. While there are days we get excited that it's one less bill out of our pocket I become sad knowing we are leaving you.

You've done us well these last 5 years daycare! Your teachers hearts are in the right place, coming to work every day and caring for kids as if they were there own. I will forever be grateful for the teachers that have helped mold Tracen into the little human that he is and prepare him for this next stage.

And who knows, maybe we'll be back with another one later down the road!

First day of Preschool  | Last day of Preschool | First day of Pre-K

20 Questions: 5 years old

[SIDENOTE: these are Jerek's karate clothes from when he was this age!!!]

December is almost over and I've pretty much failed at my vlogmas/blogmas goal [such is life!]
Tracen turned 5 on the 21st and it was such a fun day, minus when I got a migraine that didn't go away for almost a week.

Last year I started a 20 questions post I saw on Pinterest so to keep up with traditions here is this years 20 questions answered by my most favorite 5 year old, Tracen!

[You can read last years 20 questions here]

December 21, 2015 || 5 years old

1. What's your favorite color? GREEN

2. What's your favorite toy? GOOD QUESTION, HMM, I LIKE MY STUFFED ANIMAL GEORGE THE MOST

3. What's your favorite fruit? BLUEBERRIES, I LOVE THOSE THINGS, THEY'RE AWESOME!

4. What's your favorite TV show? MAX AND RUBY, I JUST LOVE THOSE GUYS!

5. What's your favorite thing to eat for lunch? LUNCHABLES ON BRING YOUR ON LUNCH TO SCHOOL

6. What's your favorite outfit? A GREEN SHIRT WITH LONG SLEEVES

7. What's your favorite game? I SPY

8. What's your favorite snack? PRETZELS 

9. What's your favorite animal? MONKEY

10. What's your favorite song? TWINKLE TWINKLE

11. What's your favorite book? "WHAT MAKES A RAINBOW?"- I LIKE IT BECAUSE I LIKE RAINBOWS AND COLORS, COLORS ARE PRETTY, THEY ARE DIFFERENT JUST LIKE ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD!

12. Who's your best friend? SKY!

13. What's your favorite cereal? CHEERIOS , NO MILK 

14. What's your favorite thing to do outside? SWING ON THE SWINGS 

15. What's your favorite drink? APPLE JUICE AND LEMONADE

16. What's your favorite holiday? THANKSGIVING-CAUSE WE GIVE THANKS TO EVERYBODY WE LOVE

17. What do you take to bed with you at night? BLUE BLANKEY- BUT YOU LEFT IT AT SCHOOL

18. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast?  PLAIN WAFFLE

19. What do you want to eat for dinner for your birthday?  MACARONI 

20. What do you want to be when you grow up? A GROWN UP KID, CAUSE I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU BUT STILL HAVE FUN

If you read last years responses you'll see some things haven't change! His sweetness is still there and his love for his family is stronger than ever! Hug those kids man, they grow up wayyy too fast!

How to raise your second child better

People always say you shouldn't compare one kid to another. They will always be different. Tracen and Skylor are almost exactly 2.5 years apart and I'd like to think I parent them exactly the same. The truth is I don't.

Since Tracen was our first and with about .01% of our friends having kids I basically winged the hell out of everything. I walked into Target and legit just scanned stuff that looked like we would need to take care of a baby. I didn't look at reviews, didn't ask any other moms and barely took the stroller for a spin around the store before registering it. This is an absolute result as to why I hated almost all of the baby stuff I had with Tracen. When I found out I was pregnant with Skylor, I researched and read every single review there was. People would have thought I was a first time mom.

The differences between Sky and Trace begun the day I gave birth to Skylor.  Their births could not be more different and the days after were 100% opposite as well. {Here are Tracen and Skylor's birth stories if you haven't read them.}

Tracen never latched on so I made the decision to strictly pump. And pump my brains until I couldn't any longer I did. That shit is EXHAUSTING. With Sky I tried much harder with nursing and was able to stick with it longer but it was still a struggle and I still ended up pumping all the time. With Tracen he slept in his crib from day one and we WOKE him up to eat every three hours (dumb dumb dumb!) With Sky we bed shared and co-slept and we fed him only when HE woke up (hello 5 hour stretches of sleep from about week 2!)

With Tracen we made him a different meal other than ours every time he ate, with Sky he eats what we eat and eats EVERYTHING IN SIGHT. With Trace I wore him a hand full of times with Sky he's constantly strapped to me. I was the one that put Tracen to bed from the beginning and 99% of the time I still do or he has a complete, over the top meltdown. With Sky, we take turns but most nights Jerek puts him to bed. On the nights that I do theres no fight from him, just hugs and him BEGGING me to put him in his bead.

If you talk to parents that have more than one child most would probably tell you this is normal. You learn tips and tricks from the first one and swear you're going to do things differently the next time around. The problem I have is when people say that they are going to raise them "better."

The difference between the two shouldn't be measured and 

compared in a way that they are the same, because they are not. 

You should do things deferentially to make things work cohesively with your growing family, not because you think you eff'ed it up with the first one but because you are constantly learning. No one can quite say they know what they are doing their first time around, even if you are Jamie Grayson or Michelle Duggar.

I have no regrets with the way I've raised Tracen, we get complimented DAILY on how polite and respectful he is. Although meals and bedtime are a struggle we're working on it! I knew with Skylor that I wanted to change these two areas and for good reasons. Not because I wanted Sky to be the 'better eater' or the 'better sleeper' but because I've learned things from the first time around. I cringe when I hear people talk like this, as if you made a mistake with your first and are trying to redeem yourself or something?

Parenting is like being in school 24/7. You learn things in your freshmen year and apply them to your sophomore year {or hopefully you do.} You are constantly studying for the next test they are going to pull on you, cramming late night for an exam and you always have to be on your toes in case they ask you things like 'why don't you have a wiener like me mommy?' or 'how did I get in your belly?' Cause that shit happens, a lot!

Just remember that if you don't know what the hell you're doing the first time around, you might not the next time around either! Do know that you have the option to start over the next day and work on things. If all else fails, grab a glass of wine and watch these, because I have no idea what I'm ever doing either!

Back to School- First day of Pre-K

Holy cow. Trace starts Pre-K and my nephew starts Kindergarten tomorrow, shits gone mad!

If you missed Tracen's first day of preschool here it is and the last day of preschool is here.

I can't believe how fast time is flying. I feel like I'm going to blink and he'll be in 3rd grade. Begging to stay over at his friends house and not have pizza party Friday with us. I've said it before but I'm really happy that his birthday is in December and he's not starting Kindergarten this year. He wouldn't be ready and neither would I.

The pictures below are from this last year. Last year at this time Tracen was crying in my arms at school, begging me not to leave, pleading me to stay home with him and just 'play.' I remember crying when I left last year, explaining to Jer that I don't know how it's going to get better. That I'm never going to get to work on time and that my heart is always going to ache because of how bad I felt every Monday and Friday leaving him. But it got better. Every day got better. And some days were even spectacular even. Days that when he jumped into my car he couldn't stop talking about Henry, Eli and Marco. How he got to go outside TWO times that day and had ice cream for afternoon snack.  Trace has transformed his whole outlook of daycare/school now, while he still dreads leaving us in the morning he's made friends and is learning SO much!

Tomorrow I'll be on a plane headed to Charlotte, North Carolina for work for the next three days. I'll be up and gone before anyone is getting ready for school and work. I'll be sneaking out of our bed from the foot of it, this way I don't disturb the man on the left, Jerek, and the boy on the right, Tracen. I'll sneak into Sky's room and stare at him in the dark and whisper I love you, I'll be back soon and give him a kiss on his forehead while I slip out into the dark somber morning, headed towards Metro Detroit airport.

I'm missing the first day of Pre-K for Trace and also his first soccer practice. (I had to take these pictures Friday because I didn't want to leave that up to Jerek. No offense Jer, you're great and all, I'm just a freak of nature and didn't want to have to send you a bajillion texts asking if you took pictures and if they were good.)

I know there will more practices and more first day's of school but deep inside me I feel bad. It's not something I could help really, it's just part of my job and the project's I'm working on right now, but I feel bad. I know Trace won't remember it years down the road but but the whole time I'm gone I will.

If you're little ones are starting school or even daycare today, good luck, that shit is hard! 

20 Questions: 4 years old

Hey, it's me, Chelsea...I've fell off my blog/vlogmas for a bit as things have been a bit harry around these bits of blogland and I'm up to my tits in toys from Christmas and Tracen's birthday. While I'm off till January 5th I have it planned out that we will be going through all books, toys and clothes and purging some more, I seriously can't get enough of this lately!

This past Sunday was Tracen's 4th birthday and as I said in my December goals we had a fun little party planned! The theme was PJ's & Pancakes, and yes, I came up with the idea. We are a big breakfast/brunch family and tend to live in our PJ's on the weekends {slash right when we get home from work.} If you haven't seen the video I made for Tracen here it is again. I cried about a bajillion times while making it, so you've been warned!

I pin a lot of things but I also tend to forget about things until months or in this case a year later. I pinned this last year thinking, 'I need to do this, I really hope I remember when Tracen turns three.' I remembered the pin about 6 months ago and figured I would just wait till he's four. Since it's been 6 days post fourth birthday, it is time for the 20 Q & A to begin!

This idea is strictly taken from the amazing blog Reaves, Party of Three so I can't take any credit for thinking of this on my own. If you are anything like me, here is your reminder for all those pins you keep forgetting about and maybe you pinned this one last year too!

December 21, 2014 || 4 years old

1. What's your favorite color? RED

2. What's your favorite toy? CHOO CHOO'S & TOY PHONES

3. What's your favorite fruit? BANANAS, CAUSE I'M A MONEKY

4. What's your favorite TV show? KAI LAN, BUT SHE'S ON VACATION

5. What's your favorite thing to eat for lunch? LUNCHABLES (yes, I give in a few times a week!)

6. What's your favorite outfit? JAMMIES! {HENCE THE THEMED BIRTHDAY PARTY!}

7. What's your favorite game? IPAD GAMES

8. What's your favorite snack? WATERMELON & STRAWBERRIES {MAKES UP FOR THE LUNCHABLES RIGHT?}

9. What's your favorite animal? MONKEYS, CAUSE THEY CLIMB & MAKE CUTE NOISES

10. What's your favorite song? TWINKLE TWINKLE

11. What's your favorite book? A NIGHT TIME BOOK AT MIA'S {UHH JENNY??}

12. Who's your best friend? GWIFFIN!

13. What's your favorite cereal? CHERRIOS, BUT WITH NO MILK

14. What's your favorite thing to do outside? PLAY ON OUR PLAYGROUND IN OUR BACKYARD

15. What's your favorite drink? APPLE JUICE 

16. What's your favorite holiday? EASTER BECAUSE OF THE EGG HUNTS!

17. What do you take to bed with you at night? WITTLE BLANKIE & GEORGE THE MONEKY

18. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? BACON & STRAWBERRIES

19. What do you want to eat for dinner for your birthday? CUPCAKES WITH NO FROSTING OR SPRINKLES 

20. What do you want to be when you grow up? A RACE CAR DRIVER WITH A SWOARD ON TOP OF THE ROOF BUT NOT ON MY HEAD.

Well there ya go! Some of these I already knew but some I was pretty surprised when he answered to be honest! I hope you all had an amazing holiday spent with family and/or friends and I'm stoked to start 2015...mainly because of my new gold planner, SWOON!

Hump Day Confessions

Dear Wednesday,

I have to confess, I'm glad you are not a 'daycare day'. I can't handle another daycare day right now. I'm exhausted just thinking about the stress Tracen is going through lately. I'm getting questions thrown at me that I don't want to answer because I know he'll start crying, barrel into my arms and collapse. Like Monday, Monday was bad.

Monday I actually sat in the hallway at school, holding Tracen while he trembled in my arms, crying that he didn't want to go in his classroom, that he didn't want me to leave. I was a mess. I cried too, holding him tightly in hopes the embrace would calm him down. Like those jackets you put on a dog, the pressure is supposed to make them relax. But Tracen is not a dog nor did it work, so we just cried together, on the floor, holding each other as other parents dropped their kids off. The daycare owner came and tried calming us both down. Prying him from my arms to give me a break, a moment to regroup. Holding him, consoling him like he was her own.

The whole morning leading up to the meltdown wasn't bad, in fact, it was relatively normal. He woke up and did his usual morning thing; not wanting to leave my spot of the bed that holds the warmth around his little body, asked to watch a Peppa Pig, reluctantly got dressed, drank some juice and got in the car. He was a little hesitant on the drive to school but didn't say much. When we arrived he waited for me to get Sky out and we rang the bell to be buzzed in. I held his hand, staring down at his face, wondering when it was going to happen. Last Friday, the 5th, was his first day of preschool and it took Jer and I an hour to leave. I was scared what today had in store, with just me this time. We took Sky to the infant room and I could sense it. The tension, stress, as he looked at me waiting for me to mumble the words "now on to the big boy room Trey."

When I spoke, his lips began to quiver, the same way mine do when I'm about to start ugly crying {as if there is a non ugly way to cry?}. They started. The tears, lots of them, full force. The infants started staring, Sky just ate {per usual, he was use to this.} Trey ran off screaming "I don't want to go to the big boy roooooommmmm!!!!" and I went looking for him. He was sitting on the floor in his old room that he transitioned from with his head in his hands. I lost it. I melted. I couldn't help it if I tried. So I scooped him up and started walking with him back into the hallway. Trying to reassure him that he was brave, a big brother and he was so lucky he got to play all day with his friends. He looked at me and sobbed "but I don't want you to weave, I want to play wif you and sing songs wif you. please don't weave me mumma"

Now you can understand why my lips started shaking. When a child tells you that, you lose it. You don't care that you're late for work, or that traffic is going to be horrific. All you care about are those words, those emotions attached to the 'don't weave me.' This is when the owner came in to the rescue, she saw I needed it. I honestly had no idea what else to do. I consoled him by saying daddy would be there in a little bit to pick him up and I loved him. Then I left. There was nothing left to do but leave and call Jerek crying on the way into work.

As we inch one day past a daycare day, we also inch one day closer to the next. To the next feeling of security that is lost when we have to drop off. To the next set of tears I don't want to see stream from his bright blue eyes. To the next guilt I'm left to deal with as I head to work, stressed out myself. As I bring all of these emotions and anxiety with me. They travel in my car, up to my office and back home. Until he walks through the doors and runs in and smiles, 'I had a good day, I was brave mommy!'

Beach Day with Orbit

Michigan summers are worth writing about. Michigan winters blow. majorly.  The only time they are talked about are when no one wants to go to school/work and wishes for snow days. Sadly I'm no longer in school so all I have to talk about is how glorious summer is. I realize that this summer hasn't been that great to be honest. There's only been a handful of nice, hot days unfortunately. 

Sundays are usually spent doing laundry, cleaning and Jerek complaining he's bored. Well instead of doing boring things, i.e: see above, Jerek suggested the beach. I then started singing the infamous 'lets go to the beach beach lets go get away' song and it was decided. WE WERE OFF! 

Last time we went to Port Huron the beach was small, packed and pretty rocky. This time Jer suggested that we go to Lake St. Clair Metropark, it was about half the distance than Port Huron was and let me tell you, it was 100 times better in terms of, EVERYTHING.  The beach was smooth, the land was clean, there was TONS of parking, places to lay, sit and space to play. There was an Olympic size swimming pool with water slides and a big splash pad which both boys loved. There were tons of bikers, roller bladders and walkers. You can rent paddle boards {which I'm dying to do next time!} and there is also a boat launch. We will totally be going back a few more times before the weather leaves us! 

Going to the beach with two small children is never an easy task as there is so much crap you need to lug with you! With Skylor growing out of his infant carrier and into a big boy carseat, I've been obsessed with my Orbit G3 stroller. We decided to bring both the G3 and our light weight Summer Infant 3Dlite. We've had our 3Dlite for a while now and it's a nice little fold up stroller but it has almost zero storage and did not do well pushing across the sand or grass. We basically brought it so Trace had somewhere to sit his buns down when he needed to. 

The G3 on the other hand was a BREEZE to push through sand and grass. It acted as a high chair for Sky when we were eating with it's 360 degree turn capability it fit right up to the picnic table.  It was a cot for when he was tired and needed some quite time out of the sun. It also fits any size Starbucks cup, just in case that is ever a question {Yes, it ran through my head!}

To see the stroller or us in action you can check out the vlog from Sunday up on my Youtube page. I wish we could spend every weekend at the beach but the summer is short and we are a busy family!

 Side note: I do not promote frying like a tomato as skin cancer runs in my family. I simply freaking forgot and now have lame tan lines and a sunburn, nice one Chelsea.

I'm a brand ambassador for Orbit Baby and all opinions are my own

The Secret to Raising a Toddler

That's mine.

But I don't like eggs.

One more show mummy.

Pick me up.

Put me down.

I said peaseeeee.

Tanks.

I thursty.

You silly old birdddd.

BOOTAYYYY TOOOTSSS.

You sad mummy?

Don't be sad.

I gonna hit you.

No I lub you da most mummy.

Top it daddy.

I want mummy.

Go away.

You beautiful.

Kyler that's MINEEE.

But I'm not tired.

You go to bed mummy, not me.

NOOOOOOOOO.

But I won't do it again.

Dis is how I shake my bootay.

Kyler is awake.

Kyler won't top crying.

You mean mummy.

But WHYYYYY.

Juice pease.

Rub my back.

One more book.

Just one more show.

Uh mummy, did you forget my juice?

I lub you mummy.

Ah yes, the other language that I speak fluently. Toddler.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Tracen was 2, I wasn't sure why people said the terrible two's were hard.
MY two year old slept through the night, said please, thank you and played well with others.
Until Sky came.
The game changed when he was two and a half  and we brought home a new baby.

Newborns and toddlers are two totally different breeds.

Tracen started acting out, hitting, getting out of bed every night and not listening to either of us.
It's taken time for us to really figure him.
When he freaks out and says 'I gonna hit you!'
I can usually pinpoint why.

---

I've read books, blogs and listened to other peoples advise.
I've put him in his room for a time out to think about things {alone}.
I've put him in his room for a time out to think about things and sat there with him.
I've yelled at him {unfortunately who hasn't}.
I've gotten down on my knees{on his level} and calmly asked what is wrong & why is he mad.

---

None of these have worked for a long period of time.
Until I became the toddler whisperer. It's true, ask Jerek!

{Insert huge meltdown, with screaming, trying to hit me, & tears, lots and lots of tears.}

SECRET: I get face to face with him and look him in his eyes and tell him we need to calm down and to take 3 deep breaths (because he's three). His attention is then solely on me, my eyeballs and the fact that I just told him to do something that he knows how to do. The way he takes those three deep breathes is the funniest thing I've ever seen! His body is so stressed out still, he's usually still crying & trying to look at me while trying to breath all at once! This turns into a whimper & then squeals while exhaling {I can't fully explain this, one day I'll get it on camera!}. He starts to laugh after the first breath and smiles, even through the tears. I tell him two more and I take the next breath with him and exhale. 'Last one, lets make it really really big buddy!' and we do it together.

TADA! 

Guess what just happen? Not only did he totally forget why he was popping a blood vessel for no reason, but him and I did it together. This is the most important thing I've learned. When he has a meltdown, I have a mommy meltdown, I can't help it. I freak out, {sometimes yell} and it gets nothing accomplished. We are not perfect people but if we can figure out what works perfectly for us, we are then better, more effective parents. I know that this tactic may not work next week or next month, but it works for now, and that is what is important and it's taken time to figure it out!

Some days I wonder 'can a girl get a redo, this kid is nutssss!'
and some days I never want to put him to bed!
But every day I wonder, where has the time has gone.
How is already 8pm, how is it already June, how is he already three.

-----------

5 Things About Motherhood

Friday was a good Friday in with the boys, everyone was behaved and went to bed rather easy. It's now Sunday and I feel the ever impending stress that Sunday brings to me. We spend Sunday evenings at Jerek's parents, cooking, drinking wine and watching shows while Trace gets some energy out and plays

Last Sunday was NOT a good Sunday. We ended up dragging Tracen out of their house and taking him home sending him straight to bed with no books. He was in a real mood all day and ended up hitting his cousin a few times. No matter what we talked about in time out he disregarded everything I said. So when he was mad at me and just walked by Griffin and smacked him I legit lost my shit. Threw my shoes and coat on, grabbed that kid and put him in the car with me while Jer apologized and grabbed our stuff and we headed home.  I was completely pissed, sad and honestly, embarrassed. I take it personally when he acts like this, like I'm not doing a good job teaching him that we don't hit. I know he was just in a mood but it was unacceptable to me. We got jammies on, had a hug and kiss and told him we can try to listen to mommy better tomorrow and that was that. I never want my kids to go to bed unhappy but I know I made the right move because the first words he said to me the next morning were "I so sowwy I didn't wisten to you yesterday mommy, I pomise I be better" and gave me a big hug and kiss. I melted. I knew I did the right thing because it had an impact on him and he remembered it the next morning.

I contemplated writing an ode to my children about Motherhood and all its glory but I realized that's a load of three-year-old-shit-in-diaper-that-for-some-reason-can't-be-done-on-the-toilet. {I digress}

I figured this would be a perfect time to explain to you new moms, friends that don't understand why I'm a hot mess a lot of the days or for you other moms just to read and shake your head thinking, 'I know exactly what you mean!'

1. {Alarm clocks are not needed}

Yes, it's true, I set 5 different alarms on my phone starting at 4:45am but I don't use them. If Tracen gets up before us, I usually hear a 'MOMMY???? MOMMMMYYYYYYYY...I'm donnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeee, get me outta hereeeeeeee!" {screaming from the room next door at the baby gate that he is "done sleeping".} We get it Tracen, YOU'RE UP! I know that I will miss this when he's a teenager and NEVER wants to wake up. For the time being it's relatively cute and effective.

2. {You're multilingual}

I use to wonder how the hell my aunt could understand what my cousins' were saying to her when he was two and now I get it. I could probably watch old home videos now and even tell her what he was saying! I often find myself telling family members or friends what Trace is saying after he speaks, they then look at me with a question mark above their head. I know exactly what he is trying to articulate.

3. {You are superwomen}

Some mornings I am holding or feeding a baby, applying mascara, turning on a TV show, wiping someone's ass and checking Instagram all on about 4 hours of sleep with one hand trying to pull my leggings on. Whoever told you you needed two arms to get through life was never a mother.

4. {The meaning of an hour}

Now this can go both ways. An hour can be an eternity or it can be a blink of an eye. If it's a Saturday morning and Tracen wakes up far too early, {530am is never good on the weekends} then bringing him into bed with you and having him watch an hour of Mickey Mouse while you snooze some more can be the difference of your whole mood for the day. You feel refreshed because you got an extra hour of sleep, like you can take on the world! Then there is an hour before you need to leave the house to drop the boys off at daycare and try to get to work on time. No matter how much you prepared the night before it is already 7am and you are still struggling to put new underwear on and wash off yesterdays makeup. Where did the last hour even go?

5. {You give so much and will never ask for anything in return}

I never quite understood what this meant until now. Most people give things to others and expect something back in return, it's human nature. But not when it's for your children. You've been awake for almost 20 hours. You were up the night before with a sick baby, you then head to work for 9 hours, come home to Tracen throwing toys at Sky's face, which forces you to give him a time out to think about why he shouldn't be doing such things. Tracen is asking for a TV show, something to drink, to eat.  Sky needs a new diaper and something to eat as well. Jer is calling because he's going to be late, there's nothing in the house to eat, you have mounds upon mounds of laundry to do, Etsy orders to fill, bottles to clean and you're pretty sure you smell like puke. All you want to do is to sit down on the couch, and wave your white flag. But you don't. Because you have even more to give of yourself to these children then you ever thought you had in you.


*I apologize if you're reading this and getting ready to go out to the bar [I'm sure you aren't though] because this is probably a buzz kill or better yet great birth control for ones not wanting such things in life! Hopefully this doesn't scare you into not having children because I promise the good ALWAYS outweighs the bad!*

Sleepless in Detroit

This morning I woke up and my right arm was numb. Not because I fell asleep with it above my head or because I had been sleeping on it all night.  I didn't want to move it but I needed to get up and get ready for woke. I grabbed my phone as my first alarm at 5:10am started going off to silence it. I silenced the next one and the one after that and the one after that. It was then 6:05am and Jer whispered next to me, are you going to get up and shower? I ignored him, who needs to shower, it's Friday.  At this point my arm was starting to tingle, I think it knew I needed to get my ass out of bed or we all were going to be late. Just as soon as I started to move it upwards, it started. Fussing, farting and crying. Sky was awake and not happy that I was moving my arm his pillow. I laid him on my pillow, tucked him under the down blanket and started to cover the dark circles under my eyes that have made themselves a home. He watched me and smiled.

He was now happy.Content and just plain cute. 

As I searched for something warm and comfortable to wear I couldn't really think about how exhausted I was from the night or weeks before.  I really just wanted to crawl back into bed and snuggle that little guy.

The last few weeks have been hard. If it's not one kid, it's the other and sometimes it's both..at the same time, at that same moment. They need you. They want something from you. Sometimes they don't know how to explain it and sometimes they do. They may just want you to lay with them a little longer, to scratch their back till they fall asleep or sing 'you are my sunshine' just one.more.time. But it's hard. It's hard not knowing, and it's hard knowing what they need, all at the same time. and when you're tired, it's even harder.

From experience I know that these sleepless nights will end though. They will also resurface when teething, night time potty training and when bad dreams happen.  Although it's Friday and I look forward to spending the weekend with the boys, today was a fight.  It was a fight to get Tracen dressed, a fight to put shoes on, a fight to get out of the door and a fight when I had to leave them to go to work.  Today, I cried while driving to work. It doesn't happen all the time but more frequently than I'd like.  Here's the thing. Both boys need me in two totally different way. I hate giving timeouts and I hate saying no but both things have to be done so Tracen learns right from wrong. I also hate when Skylor screams at the top of his lungs every two hours and no feeding, rocking or skin to skin will appease him. I'm exhausted but I really don't mind, what I mind is that you just don't know what's going on with these little humans when they act like this. It's frustrating and it got the best to me on the drive in.  But I will survive, I always do.

Motherhood is a crazy journey. One that is full of unlimited surprises, some good and some bad.  Every day I am blessed to be with these two crazy kids as well as the person that keeps me sane and raises these munchkins with me.